When Jeremiah falls, they get up right away, go back to what he was doing, and try again. When Jasmine falls, they sit, cry, and refuse to try again.
What makes the difference? Why are some children able to thrive despite severe challenges in their lives—such as neglect, abuse, poverty, and serious illness? Resilience is the ability to bounce back after a crisis (as small as a fall or as significant as neglect or the death of a loved one) or thrive despite persistent obstacles.
Resilience protects children from the most severe effects of stress and helps them cope more effectively with it.
Characteristics of Resilient Children
- They have trusting and loving relationships, structure at home, people who are good role models, encouragement to be independent, access to health care and education, and people who praise them
- They are lovable, loving, proud of their achievements, not easily discouraged, responsible, hopeful, and trustful
- They can communicate their thoughts and feelings, solve problems, manage their emotions, understand themselves, find people they can trust, and laugh at themselves
Watch the video below to learn how toxic stress affects us and what we can do about it.
How to build resilience
- Make sure children know they are loved, valued, and appreciated for who they are
- Look for the child’s strengths and emphasize the positive
- Teach self-care and good habits, such as healthy eating, exercise, and getting enough rest
- Help children experience success and understand that mistakes are okay
- Encourage social skills, such as making and playing with friends and participating in group activities
- Maintain a daily routine, such as bedtime hugs and stories
- Support a child’s ability to learn and use their imagination
- Understand the stressors families face and offer supportive resources during adversity
- Be part of developing community resources that support children and families
- Teach problem-solving skills
- Set clear and consistent boundaries
Resources
- Resilience: What It Is and How Children and Young People Can Be Helped to Develop It, by Kirtsie Maclean
- Building Resilience in Troubled Times: A Guide for Parents by the Center for the Study of Social Policy)